i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
