dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jerry, you need to find god
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
