OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
