I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
