How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
