As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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