i was born a porn star she said
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
