Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
