if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
