her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
