i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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