Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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