So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
