Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
