My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
