boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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