You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
