I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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