im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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