Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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