haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
