I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
