oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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