I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
