That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
