Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
