I cockslap morals
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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