Where is the hickey?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
