Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
