you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
