the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
