matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were destined to go to rehab together
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
