Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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