im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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