So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
