yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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