i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel great
I just peed on a car
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
