This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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