Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
