So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
