you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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