hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
