I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
