I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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