allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
