yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
