Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
