Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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