Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He shit in the fireplace
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
