i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
