I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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