Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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