I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
