When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
