Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
